So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
