You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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