Apparently you make a good broom.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
