I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
