i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
