Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
