how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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