Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
