Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
