billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
