Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
