we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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