So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
