she was so not down for the gang bang
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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