So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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