I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
