remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
