his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
