I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
