I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
