no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
