roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
