Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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