Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
