I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
