last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
