: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My cat gives me a boner
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
