but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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