and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
