I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
