I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize