She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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