gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
