My room smells like vodka and shame
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
