You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
