so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
