the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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