party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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