well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
