ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i've created a new STD.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
