We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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