wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
