Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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