Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
