Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
