Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
