i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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