I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
