drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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