i just wanna soil my oats bro
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
