Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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