So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
