No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
