The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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