She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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