Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
