That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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