I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize