I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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