I wanna passion pit in your ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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