I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize