The maid of honor just puked.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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