I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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