i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
