at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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