Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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