So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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