your thong is hanging out like whoa
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
