I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
