U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
