Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
