What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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