I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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