thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
