just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
