chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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