WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
