What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nutella sex= disaster
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
