Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
