i don't like sucking hair
My first STD was from a foam party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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