I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
