Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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