He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
