So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
