mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
