you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
