I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
