About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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