walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
