Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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