chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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