Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
