Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
