this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
