guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
